I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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