i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
