i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
