between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
