dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
