The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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