ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
where are my eyebrows?
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