I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
