i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize