YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
