I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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