so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
