im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
