Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
