..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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