I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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