I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
