omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
