I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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