Tell her she can't have a vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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