Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
