My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
