i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
