I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize