I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She even gives head with a lisp.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
