apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
