You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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