Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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