it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
