Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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