is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
