I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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