you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
