he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
