I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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