I feel like abortions should bother me more
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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