can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
