I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
