I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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