I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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