i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
