he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
