i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i think we sleep fucked last night...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
