Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
