what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
