I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
