Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
