My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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