So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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