Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
