you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize