Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
