Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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