i just had sex bonerless
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
