HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
