Soap is not a condiment
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
