I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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