I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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