I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
be right there i have to get my cape
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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