I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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