First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
