we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
