Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
