We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
