ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
