i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
