i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
