My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
