I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
